Should a Prepper Carry a Neck Knife? That is a good question. In the guest post below the author will discuss some pros and cons. For myself, as the owner of this site I wanted to add my thoughts as I carried a neck knife everyday for 15 years – even in places that did not allow concealed weapons (its a tool right)… For utility and easy carry a neck knife is hard to beat. If you have a good design. I have tried bad designs of heavier knives and friction fit sheaths and ended up loosing my knife. For self defense there are better options. It can be hard to draw (without practice) and if you are on the ground being pounded the knife is in a perfect spot to be used against you. You can also be choked with the lanyard. The featured image shows a young lady wearing a neck knife on a breakaway lanyard made by Knives and Lanyards.com. You should check them out
If you know what you want and work around the cons, then a neck knife is a great tool – now on to the article:
Preppers and survivalists are always discussing survival knives and that they might actually be the most important gear you carry. Not many discuss the importance of where you wear your survival knife though. Throughout history man has worn a knife from a chain around their necks.
This includes Native Americans and Vikings. In modern times Mors Kochanski who is recognized as the granddaddy of bushcraft and who actually wrote the book on bushcraft uses a neck knife and even more recently Cody Lundin from Dual Survival fame also wears a neck knife as their primary knife.
In this article I’ll go over what are the pros and cons of a neck knife.
Pros of neck knives
Because it’s so small and light, it can easily be used as a back up blade if your primary blade breaks or gets lost. Your blade might be your most important piece of equipment you carry so always having a decent back up blade is handy
Sitting on the ground or on a log with a knife on your belt can be annoying
If it’s worn on the inside of your shirt, you’ve got a hidden knife that others won’t know about unless they give you a hug. Even though there are better weapons when shtf the neck knife could be used as a weapon of last resort
If needed, most neck knives can be switched to be carried on your belt
It allows you to not have to wear a belt which means you have more flexibility in the pants or shorts you choose to wear
If you’re walking through a creek or small stream and it goes to about waist height, if you’re wearing a neck knife it won’t get wet
They’re inexpensive so preppers with a tight budget can afford them as a good backup knife
Cons of neck knives
If it’s worn on the outside of your shirt, it can get in the road every time you bend over which is annoying
It it’s worn on the inside of your shirt, it’s hard to get to quickly
If the chain is made out of beads it can pull at your chest hairs and I’m not a fan of having my chest hair pulled out
It’s not practical to have a big knife dangling around your neck because it will just get in the way. So if the knife is small it doesn’t lend itself to heavy duty tasks like chopping or batoning but if you’re primary chopping tool is an axe or machete you can get away with carrying a small bladed knife as your blade to do the finer tasks like processing game or whittling wood
When you re-sheath, you’ll need both hands
If the chain is not a break away type of chain it can be a choking hazard if worn on the outside of your shirt
If it is a break away chain, the chain could snap at an inconvenient time meaning you’d end up carrying the neck knife on your belt or in your pocket.
Neck knife wrap up
I’ve always loved redundancy so I always carry a back up blade when I’m in the woods. Neck knives are an inexpensive way to have a decent back up blade on your person at all times. To find out more about neck knives for survivalists check out the ultimate neck knife guide by Top Survival Weapons.
We all know that when a person suffers from bad health, he can’t enjoy the pleasure of everything. In order to achieve the optimum health, nutrition experts and health practitioners suggest loading up on superfoods.
Believe me, no single food can improve or upkeep someone’s health.
It is a combination of several foods definitely about fruits and vegetables. Superfoods are considered full-packed nutritious foods that will sweep your illnesses away. What are superfoods and why are they called as super-foods?
What are Superfoods?
Certain foods do provide greater health benefits than most. We refer to them as “superfoods.” Superfood does’t have its own food group yet consuming these kinds of foods that are packed with nutrients is definitely a good idea.
Superfoods don’t just make you ten times healthier or keeping diseases away, but they can also bring you other wonderful health benefits. These foods have extra-large doses of vitamins and minerals that can help us sweep off diseases and live a longer, healthier and life.
The nutrients that superfoods contain include antioxidants, use to ward off cancer; healthy fats, for preventing heart disease; fiber, believed to prevent diabetes and digestive problems; and phytochemicals, the chemicals in plants responsible for deep colors and smells, that have numerous health benefits.
Can’t wait to know about these superfoods? Well, here’s a list of the 30 Superfoods, that will make you Super Healthy. You might want to include these in your grocery list.
Chinese Cabbage
This belongs to the cabbage family which has low sodium content, which means it can help regulate your blood pressure. It can also fight anemia and fatigue because it has a high iron content, which is responsible for producing hemoglobin in your blood. Chinese cabbage is rich in antioxidants, which can boost eye health and provide you with healthy, glowing skin.
Carrots
Carrots help with good vision and can help prevent cancer. It can also help slow down the aging process of cells. Studies show that carrots can lower the risk of heart diseases, and can have a cleansing effect by providing Vitamin A in the liver.
Lentils
They’re easy to prepare and high in protein, iron, and other essential nutrients plus it’s pretty cheap. Lentils are low in calories and high in nutrition and the perfect legume to eat in the summer in salads, spreads, and crackers. Eat lentils and reap their health benefits such as it can lower cholesterol, promotes heart health digestive health and stabilized blood sugar.
Cucumbers
Cucumbers are a good source of water, and they help to rehydrate the body in a different way. Pick a firm, dark green cucumber and pop it into your shopping basket to see its impressive health benefits. Aside from they keep you hydrated, cucumbers also help fight heat both inside and out. It flushes out toxins when you eat this superfood regularly.
Spinach
Spinach is another popular superfood that can be easily found in markets today. They are high in niacin and zinc, as well as protein, fiber, vitamins A, C, E and K, thiamin, vitamin B6, folate, calcium, iron, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, copper, and manganese.
Did you know that cooked spinach actually has more nutrients than raw ones? Because cooked spinach contains a bit more iron and vitamins A, K, B2, and B6.
Green Leaf Lettuce
Green Leaf lettuce contains high amounts of vitamins A, C, K, and B vitamins, along with a number of essential minerals and also has protein and calcium. It can significantly aid brain function as it is rich in dietary nitrate, which helps prevent deterioration of brain cells.
But take note that green leaf lettuce may have the tendency to spark food allergies, especially if you already have some known allergies.
Broccoli
They are a good source of folate (folic acid) and also provides potassium, fiber. Vitamin C – builds collagen, which forms body tissue and bone, and helps cuts and wounds heal. It’s got fiber to help with regularity and keeping blood sugar levels optimal, it helps the heart and eyes with lutein, and can help prevent cancer.
Garlic
Aside from a popular spice, garlic is also used to treat anything from high blood pressure and heart disease to certain types of cancer. Plus, studies suggest garlic extract can be used to treat yeast infections in women and prostate issues in men.
Turmeric
The spice refers as Turmeric is actually the dried and ground rhizome of a plant in the same family as ginger. Turmeric is a powerful spice with an impressive list of uses and benefits. It’s known for its antioxidant content and ability to work as an anti-inflammatory.
Tomatoes
They’re super because they contain lycopene, an antioxidant rarely found in other foods. Studies show that it could protect the skin against harmful UV rays, prevent certain cancers, and lower cholesterol. Plus, tomatoes contain high amounts of potassium, fiber, and vitamin C.
Beans
Beans are a good source of protein and fiber, that helps you stay full and satisfied. The protein and fiber in beans also temper the rise in blood sugar that occurs after a meal, which can help stabilize mood. Eating beans regularly may decrease the risk of diabetes, heart disease, colorectal cancer, and helps with weight management.
Apples
Apples are extremely rich in dietary fiber and important antioxidants. It helps digestive process and contains polyphenols that offer a variety of benefits. The most notable of which is they’re able to help regulate your blood sugar levels. Apples are so nutritious food that you can still eat them even if you have diabetes.
Bananas
Most of us know that bananas contain a good amount of potassium, but it’s also a good source of fiber. When combined, these two features make bananas one of those foods you should try to consume on a daily basis. Why is potassium so important? It helps to regulate your blood pressure, and this does a great service to your overall heart health and well-being.
Avocados
Avocados do contain a decent amount of fat that is known to have heart-healthy monounsaturated fats. They also contain more potassium than bananas! The potassium in it can help you maintain healthy blood pressure levels. For those who wish to get rid of extra pounds, eat more avocados often because it is loaded with fiber.
Lemons
Lemons are one of the best ingredients for detox water because they are rich in vitamin C. They are best for aiding one’s digestion, shedding off pounds, and even boosting one’s energy. It can also treat internal bleeding because of its antiseptic and coagulant properties.
Watermelon
Watermelons can surely help you hydrated because it is made up of about 92% water. This fruit has a good number of electrolytes, which can protect you from heat stroke. They also contain more lycopene than tomatoes. Lycopene is an antioxidant that promotes heart and eye health, keeps bones strong, boosts brain function, and prevents various cancers.
Berries
Many types of berries can offer you plenty of antioxidant support, as well as add a burst of flavor to a dish, a meal, or all by themselves. Blueberries have been shown to help the belly fat fight and help you avoid cardiovascular diseases. Cranberries can help with yeast infections, tooth health, and certain types of cancers. Goji Berries rank extra high in antioxidants. And raspberries contain a good amount of potassium which can help with blood pressure levels.
Mangosteen
Mangosteen is a healthy fruit that is rich in water, energy, protein, carbohydrates, and fiber. It is among the fruits that are known to contain powerful antioxidants that are useful to the immune system and the entire body. Incorporating mangosteen in the diet may be effective in weight loss. The various nutrients found in mangosteen also ensure good health and well-being.
Mangoes
This tropical fruit helps strengthen your memory as well as your digestion. It may also fight cancer and Alzheimer’s disease.
Eggs
A powerful source of protein is found in eggs that helps you lose weight. It is also a great source of omega-3 fatty acids, which are essential for normal body function and heart health. They are also rich in nutrients such as amino acids, choline, vitamin D, and a whole lot more.
Dark Chocolate
This is one of the superfoods that many people will not have a problem eating. A cacao bean confection that is rich in flavonoids that can help lower blood pressure and regulate blood circulation in the body. It also promotes heart health, boosts brain function, and reduces the risk of several types of cancer.
Pineapple
Never miss a chance to eat pineapple. Not only is it absolutely delicious, it may also strengthen your digestion, your bones, and can aid with weight loss. This tropical fruit is a great source of vitamin C known to help boost immune system.
Oatmeal
Oats got plenty of fiber without a lot of calories so you can feel fuller longer without dipping too far into your daily calorie budget. If you do start adding more oats to your diet, be sure to go organic so you’ll have the peace of mind knowing that you’re not ingesting grains that were treated with pesticides and other chemicals.
Honey
Honey offers a lot of variety when it comes to foods. It can help you prevent things like cancer and heart disease, and if that’s not enough it can also help regular blood glucose levels. Try adding a teaspoon of honey and the juice of half a lemon to a cup of hot water in the morning. It can make a great replacement for a cup of coffee and can prepare your digestive system for the work ahead of it for the day.
Sweet Potatoes
Start to consider adding sweet potatoes as side dishes to your meals throughout the year. Sweet potatoes are high in many important nutrients which contain a good amount of fiber. They’re a good source of iron, as well as magnesium and Vitamin D, C and B6. They’re also great for reaching weight loss goals and are a good carb.
Here are its benefits:
Stabilizes Blood Sugar
High in Antioxidants
Boosts Brain Function
Enhances Immunity
Promotes Vision Health
Aids in Weight Loss
Salmon
Salmon is another superfood that can definitely give you a healthy heart. With its high dose of omega-3 fatty acids, salmon can reduce the risk of cardiovascular diseases. When you are exposed under the heat of the sun, there’s no need to constantly apply sunscreen lotions. Why? Because salmon has anti-inflammatory properties and it can boost your skin’s natural protective shield against the damaging effects of UV rays.
Raw Milk
You may think that milk is a beverage it’s actually considered a food. Raw milk, especially kefir, provides the body with a rich source of vitamins A, D, C and B. It’s also loaded with calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, essential fatty acids (medium-chain triglycerides, or MCT oil) and trace minerals.
Wheatgrass
Wheatgrass is a must have in your daily diet. This is a young grass of the common wheat plant, Triticum aestivum. It is loaded with the iron, calcium, magnesium, amino acids, vitamin A, C, and E. But what adds to wheatgrass’s value is the high amount of chlorophyll it contains. Chlorophyll is a much-needed nutrient that the Westerner’s body often goes without.
Raw Nuts
Raw almonds, walnuts, cashews, and other nuts provide a hearty dose of fiber and omega-3 fatty acids. They’re also loaded with vitamins and minerals, such as iron, magnesium, and calcium. Nuts may help lower your risk of heart disease and diabetes, especially when you use them as a protein substitute for red meat.
Coconuts
Coconut and coconut oil are both high in medium-chain triglycerides, a type of beneficial fatty acid that can help support the health of your gut due to its bacteria-fighting, antioxidant properties. These fatty acids are also easy to digest, can be burned up as fuel rather than stored as fat and are able to provide immediate energy. Coconut oil has been credited with aiding in weight loss, keeping hair healthy and smooth, and even preventing bone loss.
You are what you eat!
Whether you’re searching for ways to boost your immune system, fighting fatigue, or recovering from an illness, doctors often recommend healthy lifestyle changes. The foods you eat can often help with the prevention and management of symptoms.
So if you want to achieve overall good health, go ahead and stock up on these amazing eatables today. A good goal would be to eat at least one superfood a day, but of course the more the healthier. One of life’s pleasures is sampling new tastes, and if you find that you haven’t tried some of these foods before, start with those so you can broaden your taste horizons.
They should know when and how to respond if someone is in danger or when they find themselves in trouble.
Here are some emergency procedures your child should know.
Calling 911
Kids learn faster and have a good memory. If you teach them to make 911 calls during an emergency with practical demonstrations, they might save someone’s life or yours when the need arises.
Tips:
Don’t just talk without demonstration. Teach your kids of 4 years everything to need to know about making 911 calls such as;
What nine-one-one (911) means.
Make your child understand that 911 is the most important number to call in an emergency situation especially when an adult isn’t around. Also, explain to him or her that calling 911 without any cogent reason is punishable by the law.
Why should you call 911?
Explain to your child that calling 911 can save their life or that of the person in danger. Use different illustrations to show an example. You could pretend as if you are in danger and ask them to initiate such calls with a toy phone. Then, an adult can come in and pretend to rescue you after the child has provided all necessary information.
When is the right time to call 911?
Make your child understand that he or she can only call 911 when an adult isn’t around to help or when the neighbours are not around. An adult can also ask him or her to do so.
What happens when you call 911?
Explain to your child that when he or she calls the number, an emergency operator will send help to the scene to rescue the person in danger.
What to be their response when someone picks the call?
Teach your child how to respond by providing the location of the incident (house address) name, the condition of the person, and other vital information. Tell them never to end the call unless the operator asks them to.
Under what situation should they call 911?
Tell your child to use 911 under any of the following conditions; if daddy or mommy requests them to; if they discover that someone passes out. They should first attempt to wake the person up before making the call.
You need practical demonstrations to help your kids to understand better. Use a toy phone, not a real one. And explain to them that the real phone is only meant for real-life situations. Create a scene of someone in danger, and ask them to respond if as they are the only one around. Repeat this from time to time.
Additional tips for parents
Don’t make the mistake of referring to the number as nine-eleven. Your child may not be able to dial the number correctly in an emergency situation. Refer to it as nine-one-one.
Be sure that your child knows the house number and floor you are living. If there is a popular place around that can help the police to locate your house, always remind the child of it.
Your house number bold and clear, so that the police can easily locate it.
If you have elderly parents or people living with conditions like heart disease, diabetes or epilepsy, remind the child of what to do in an emergency situation and how to spot one.
Water safety skills
Teaching your child water skills is important, especially if you have a pool in your backyard. A child that is already of school age can learn how to save someone that is drowning without putting his or herself in danger.
Tips:
To demonstrate this practically, make sure you are a good swimmer. If you have a pool in your backyard, you can act like you are drowning and instruct your child on what to do.
The child’s response should be one among the following;
Get a flotation device and toss it into the pool close to the person.
Reach out to the person with a towel or kickboard
Know how to open a person’s airway
Warning tips:
Remind them of the dangers of jumping into the pool or river in such condition when they can’t swim.
Tell them to call for help immediately. Adults who are around can help.
Conclusion
Two things happen when you teach your child the right emergency steps. They can save someone’s life or theirs. Ensure you always use practical tips to help your child to understand better. Demonstrate the situation and watch them respond. Children are fast learners. And they learn better when they are taught verbally and practically. So, follow the tips above to train your child on how to respond to emergency situations, and you will be glad you did.
Enjoying the great outdoors by yourself or together with your friends and family is an amazing experience. There is something immensely freeing about sleeping under the open skies and waking up with the smell of fresh, untamed morning air filling your nostrils. However, this experience isn’t one without its challenges.
What You Need to Know
It generally takes campers a long time to get accustomed to all the different situations a camping trip might involve. Fortunately, you can take some shortcuts in the learning process if you are dedicated enough. Here are the four most important prepping skills you master after years of camping.
1. Choosing the Right Equipment
The equipment you bring along with you on your camping trip is vital to your comfort and well-being. A high-quality tent is a must, and so is a well-insulated sleeping bag. Investing in a sturdy backpack that can fit all your essentials is your best bet if you want to be prepared for anything that might occur.
You also need to be prepared in case the weather turns unexpectedly humid. One thing that every seasoned camper needs to know is how to waterproof leather boots in case they don’t have ones that already possess that quality on hand. Add in a sturdy raincoat and you’re all set for even the most unexpected surprises Mother Nature could throw onto you.
2. Packing Lightly
When you’re out in the wild, packing lightly is essential, especially when you prefer hiking up to remote places to get away from the world for one weekend. To do this like a pro, you will need to know what the essentials are depending on the location and duration of your trip. Multi-purpose items such as a Swiss army knife, are an excellently practical choice.
On top of that, always remember not to bring too many separate outfits. You’ll end up not wearing them anyway, so focus on warm, layering appropriate-clothing instead. It’s important to prepare for cold weather, even if the forecast says otherwise. Furthermore, one pair of boots is enough. Always make sure you have clean socks and undergarments on hand, but don’t overdo it.
3. Adequate Food Storage
Naturally, bringing a balanced variety of canned and fresh food is essential while out camping. Cooking out in the open wilderness is a very nourishing experience for both body and mind, but it also comes with its risks. Something that a lot of beginner campers don’t realize is that storing food properly is also crucial while out camping.
During the day, whatever you bring needs to be kept in a cooler to preserve its freshness for as long as possible. Then, before going to sleep at night, make sure to put any leftovers in the car or any anti-bear enclosure on the campgrounds so that wildlife isn’t drawn to it. Bears coming in the middle of the night looking for food aren’t a myth, unfortunately.
While they most likely won’t hurt you during their food foraging, you don’t want to wake up the next day and have nothing left to eat. In addition, scaring them away is potentially dangerous, so it’s best to avoid this hazard altogether.
4. First Aid Kit
According to Recreation.gov, an adequate first aid kit is one of the best things to have on hand if you want to ensure that you and all the other members of your group stay safe. The perfect one contains antiseptics for scrapes and cuts, insect repellent, pain relievers, sunscreen, tweezers and a snakebite kit as well.
If anyone in your group has any special needs as far as allergies or any other health conditions are concerned, make sure to tailor your little emergency box to their situation. Antihistamines are a good addition, as is any other essential medicine. And if you’ve got some room to spare, throw in some duct tape as well. It is a great multi-purpose item to have on hand.
Conclusion
Nature is beautiful, but it can also be dangerous. This is why you need to do your best to always protect yourself and those around you. It will be hard at first, which is why you need to stick to the beaten path. Slowly, you will learn how to deal with various situations and you can venture out into true wilderness when you feel courageous enough.
It’s essential to remember a few things. Always choose the right equipment. Your tent and your sleeping bag are your most trusted allies, so make sure they are sturdy and reliable. When in doubt, always go waterproof, and always pack lightly. Make room in your backpack for what’s important and bring as many multi-purpose items as you can.
Finally, a first aid kit is your best friend in case you or someone nearby gets hurt. Pack it with everything you and your group need to maintain your safety and well-being. But most importantly, don’t forget to have fun!
While working on a post I was sad to find that the Skippy’s List website is no longer active. Every time I get to talking about the military with a veteran I inform them about “The List” and point them in the direction.
Basically, Skippy’s list was a list of things Specialist Schwartz was not allowed to do in the Army. Everything in the list were things Skippy (Spc Schwartz) got in trouble for doing, was told never to do again, told he could not do when he asked, or told he could not do proactively by command.
I find it hilarious because, as Skippy pointed out, he was a decorated soldier that served honorably and you can’t do that AND be the focus of such a list unless you were damn good at your job.
I took that to heart, and recognize that the better you are at your job the more fun you can have and not get fired….
Italicized comments are my skippy list items, I have a lot more that Skippy didn’t try, but this isn’t the Big Dawg List. Now before you think I was some shitbird, I did get in a fair amount of trouble, looking around the last platoon formation before my EAS I had the most hash-marks, and the most awards and ribbons than anyone less than two ranks higher than me. I was a proud field marine. I did not do well in Garrison, and I did not like to run. I did like to deploy and I was good at the field stuff and my technical field.
The 213 Things….
1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I’m supposed to be working. (I don’t like south park, but I did skip out between lunch and evening formation to go back to the barracks to watch Springer for the last 8 months of my enlistment)
2. My proper military title is “Specialist Schwarz” not “Princess Anastasia”.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic. (We had a Sgt named Chicken Bone that did threaten me with black magic – probably because we called him Chicken Bone)
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer. (At Tank School at Ft Knox we had a Army Platoon Sgt who did not like my dart board with go army in the center)
7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product “Get Over it”.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.
11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party. (I did stage a minor revolt of the E-3 mafia while at CAX)
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia. (Not a militia, but a workable plan to take Cuba)
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to “Sic Brass!”
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous “Barbie Girl Dance” while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS. (In My case British Royal Marines)
22. Must never call an SAS a “Wanker”.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that “We kicked your ass in World War 2!”
27. Don’t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Don’t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”. (Not allowed to tell the MPs whose barracks was across from ours that I live 500 yards from people trained to arrest me while imitating Jack Nicholson)
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing “High Speed Dirt” by Megadeth during airborne operations. (“See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker”)
36. Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn’t over). (In my case it was attempting to convince my command I had Tourette Syndrome by randomly shouting curse words)
37. Our medic is called “Sgt Larwasa”, not “Dr. Feelgood”.
38. Our supply Sgt is “Sgt Watkins” not “Sugar Daddy”.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. “Keep on Trucking” is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to “Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddy’s little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies”.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote “Dr Seuss” on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra” at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote “Full Metal Jacket “ at the rifle range.
54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots” does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we’ve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. “The Giant Space Ants” are not at the top of my chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean “I have been promoted three more times than you”. (done that, also not allowed to count all the times I was promoted, demoted and remoted and add to the list)
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz. (Ditto)
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to “Block out the space mind control lasers”.
69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed “Skyclad”.
74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
76. “Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around” is *not* a cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them “You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for.”
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with “I recently had an experience I just had to write you about….”
84. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things. (not me personally but I was there and may or may not have been the groundguide)
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the “field of honor”.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. “Redneck Zombies” is not a military training aid.
97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not “Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.”
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are. (the things I was not allowed to tell new marines would be a separate list)
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are “casualties of war”.
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mint” Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a “leg” officer, an appropriate greeting is not “Airborne leads the wa- oh…sorry sir”.
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from “Full Monty” every time I hear the song “Hot Stuff”.
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
116. Crucifying mice – bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires – therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to “waterproof” dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks. (or 327 engines, beer brewing setups, or canoes)
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last. (if the commander wanted you to have two forties at family day he would have issued you two forties at family day)
125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages” does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.
128. “Shpadoinkle” is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not authorized to countermand any orders.
130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
136. Shouting “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!” while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make “MRE” bombs. (the stories of MRA bombs….)
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove “The Pen is Mightier than the sword”.
142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a “range card” by my window.
144. “K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free” is not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.
148. Putting red “Mike and Ike’s” ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is “Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!”
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries. (there are not flame proof suits to hold targets on the flamethrower range)
153. I should not assign new privates to “guard the flight line”.
154. Shouldn’t treat “piss-bottles” with extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
156. I will no longer perform “lap-dances” while in uniform.
157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
163. Take that hat off.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
165. I do not get “that time of month”.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* “especially patriotic films”
170. Not allowed to “defect” to OPFOR during training missions. (or call for fire on the MP Commander’s tent)
171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General’s helicopter.
172. “A full magazine and some privacy” is not the way to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).
175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the Celts”.
176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
177. I am not to refer to a formation as “the boxy rectangle thingie”.
178. I am not “A lesbian trapped in a man’s body”.
179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.
180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the third”.
181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for “wall-to-wall counseling”.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a cartoon”. (or try to jump an M88 going down a hill over a ditch in the dark)
185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to “Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn”.
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it. (or eat bugs – especially not blue coach roach things on the rifle range that send you to the hospital)
190. Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not “That’s what you think”.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
194. Shouldn’t take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
195. Shouldn’t use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am” until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training missions. (umm not exactly a coup, but maybe a bbq at at remote LP-OP)
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I “just happen” to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the “Safety Dance” and the “Safety Briefing” are never to be combined.
203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an “Easter Desecration.”
205. Don’t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. (”Broken clutch pedal”, “Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs”, “flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged”)
206. Not allowed to get shot.
207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are “hearing conversations” from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism…this was the same dinner.)
210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing “Eat Pork or Die” in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
211. Don’t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don’t have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO’s that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.
We all know that when a person suffers from bad health, he can’t enjoy the pleasure of everything. In order to achieve the optimum health, nutrition experts and health practitioners suggest loading up on superfoods.
This belongs to the cabbage family which has low sodium content, which means it can help regulate your blood pressure. It can also fight anemia and fatigue because it has a high iron content, which is responsible for producing hemoglobin in your blood. Chinese cabbage is rich in antioxidants, which can boost eye health and provide you with healthy, glowing skin.
Most kids are smarter than they look even at a tender age. They can take simple instructions, detect and respond positively to emergency situations.
Enjoying the great outdoors by yourself or together with your friends and family is an amazing experience. There is something immensely freeing about sleeping under the open skies and waking up with the smell of fresh, untamed morning air filling your nostrils. However, this experience isn’t one without its challenges.
